Only a Theory
by Yuukai
Summary: Kagamine Rin, the bookish, super-studious and socially awkward introvert. She has no idea what it means to be in love; and meeting Len sure switched around a ton of theories in her head. Rin/Len, noncest.
1. about his eyes

**A/N: **WOW HERE'S A RIN/LEN FOR YOU GUYS.  
KIND OF based on Theory of Loving Each Other. DECO*27 is amazing js

FOR Rinrin.

* * *

**Only a Theory**

_chapter one_ ; about his eyes.

**

* * *

**

I'm so terribly awkward.

So terribly socially awkward, that it's hard to process in the brain of a normal human—I think people would look at me and say, "What is going on with that girl? She knows nothing."

Because I know _nothing._

What is popular music, what is _slang. _What is perverse humor, what are those jokes they always crack at me and don't expect me to get. What are inside jokes, and cliques, and—what is _love _supposed to be.

People do not understand me. How I don't—ugh—understand anything else. I have been sealed off from the "popular" world for most of my life, sitting in my room disconnected from the Internet and phone and whatever else, with no real "friends" to call mine but my books. And as far as I know I don't need them. I would never need them until I got a good degree, got out of this hell people call "high school" (but it really should be called _low _school since most of the people here are so low in terms of aptitude) and made my way off into the real world where those _low _people would actually be working for me. Because they never realized that the work they didn't want to do in school would pay off for them.

I am here. Sitting here. My books piled in front of me. AP English. Honors Latin. AP Calculus, everything else, I've been working my hardest and no one else besides the few people in my classes have actually tried to work as hard as I have.

It's a stereotype. But I work. It's all I have. I cannot give up now, because I'd really be left with nothing—I'm so socially awkward and so hard to get to know, as people have told me before, and with no friends but my books… so I have to keep trudging on.

Those jokes the boys crack in the hallways, the drawings on the bathroom walls—what do they mean?

I'm so naïve, they say. I don't know anything, but really, I know everything _except _what "needs" to be known in this day and age.

Is that what it is?

_But the biggest question for me was the question of love._

The books I have read, all the classics, I had avoided books about love, but in AP English you were bound to read them. And I eventually thought about it.

What is it?

What does it mean to be in _love _with someone? Really, I can't think about depending on someone for everything, about wanting to be next to them every hour of the day. And I can't think about awkward touches. Such as holding hands. Or kissing—oh, what is _kissing, _for God's sake. (I'm an atheist?) But in those books, it always made love seem so… beautiful. Like it was something everyone wanted. Everyone needs love in their life, the books seemed to convey to me.

I must not be a part of this human race, then. I have never even loved a boy. I have never even thought about it. Until the day when I picked up Romeo and Juliet in the ninth grade and read it cover to cover and realized that maybe that was love.

For example, my theory on love is:

**When it begins, you're always wondering if it will end, because it's so wonderful in the beginning**

**When it ends, you're wondering, where was the beginning?**

So something is very wrong with it.

Something's always wrong with love, something I can't place.

But if Romeo died because he thought Juliet had died, and Juliet died because Romeo died, that must be the power of love, or just an extremely childish attraction that risks everything.

_Or was it both?_

_Is this on my mind for a reason?_

I don't understand love, and I never will, and I hope I never will. But if that person comes someday that will change that, my opinion on love, maybe it will open my eyes a little bit more behind these glasses.

* * *

He asked me for help on homework one day.

The teacher thought we worked well together.

She paired us up for our project.

He's somewhat bright.

I mean, to my standards.

But—she paired us up.

A boy. And I. I would rather work alone, I would rather work totally and utterly alone without the distraction of this boy.

A _boy. _And—the scariest part is that he's quite nice and I never know what to say to him. Seeing as I'm extremely awkward. Extremely, intensely and chronically awkward, if my choice of words even makes sense, I don't think it does, but I can't get rid of it.

And he's very, very attractive. I mean, not that I would know what attractive really means, but I think so.

_No, before you—you say anything—I'm not in love. I'm not in love._

I can't be in love with someone I just met, someone I barely know.

I can't even be in _love._

_I'm Kagamine Rin, I'm not that girl._

_

* * *

_

"Rin."

I want to reply. My words. Use my words.

But I just nodded my head, _un._

"Here, look at this page. What's this?"

We peer over at the textbook and my hand moves it into the middle. The structure we are building, a trebuchet, is halfway completed in the first few days and sitting on the back table. It looks like the best one in our class, maybe because I'm his partner, or maybe because the teacher was right and we make a good team. The rest are flimsy, really. Structures of popsicle sticks, or balsa wood. Ours is true floorboard wood, that his father apparently cut with an electric saw. The setup looks great from a distance. The way the strings wrap, and the way each bit jigsaws together (if that choice of words works.) I think we've done well.

I think so.

I look at him for half a second and then look back at the textbook. His eyes are blue. Not like the sea—I've heard people say that before. But more like what a hot spring looks like in the middle of Yellowstone; you know, that's all the way in America. I went there once. Those springs are fascinating. The bluest natural things I've seen in my life.

Except for his eyes.

_His eyes, what am I thinking, get back to your work Kagamine Rin._

_

* * *

_

Staring at the ceiling, it's around 2 AM. I've finally finished with my homework, and looking up at the cream ceiling, I'm sure my neighbors are disturbed by the fact that my lights are still on. But they should be used to that fact by now, really; they are on until this time every night, really.

I exhale. And I reach over and turn out the lights. The cream color darkens.

I keep staring. And my mind drifts back, it's still thinking of _love, _what it really is. Do I really need anything else but school, books, my family, and the only friend I have—Luka? Do I need love?

But, in every book that I have read that involves love, it talks of the importance and power of love. I must not be sentient.

It's just my theory. When it ends, you're left wondering, when was the beginning? Did it ever feel that amazing?

And if it ever begins again, it's the same thing. The same thing, again, maybe the same person, or a different person, of what I've seen.

I'm scared that if I fall in love I'll become someone totally different. Maybe if I fall in love I'll become more sentient, but I will lose track of everything else—become totally dependent on him. Don't you think it's a little scary, to depend on someone, to give your heart and trust to someone and say, keep this and don't break it?

And if they do, you can't do anything about it. You just have to trust them enough.

That is scary. What I just said, that's an understatement. It really terrifies me, somewhere inside, that if I, Kagamine Rin, fall in love, I will give everything away just to either:

1. **h****ave it kept and nurtured**

-or-

** 2. have it broken forever**

It's a fifty-fifty chance of losing everything.

My mind is starting to drift.

I think I should get to sleep, really.

But before I do—my mind wanders to one more thing. I'm starting to think.

What was that I thought…?

About his eyes…?

* * *

**A/N: **I have a feeling I'm really going to like this.


	2. about my smile

**A/N: **DID I ever tell you guys how much I love DECO*27. No? OKAY I LOVE DECO*27

**

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**Only a Theory**

_chapter two_ ; about my smile.

* * *

He never told me his name, I realize when I wake up.

I mean, is that really the first thing I want to think about when I wake up?

But it was. And now I'm starting to wonder what's wrong with me. Yet, I make it a point in my head to get his name. How, how, how.

As I stated before, I'm terribly awkward.

I get dressed, pull on those khaki pants and green polo shirt and adjust my glasses on my head, they have to be perfectly straight. It's part of my mindset, that fact that I have to be neatly dressed, but not overdone like most of those skinny and super-prettied-up girls in our school. I never want to be like them, never, ever. I couldn't "pull it off," I guess. As everyone says. Rinta says. Always that I can't "pull off" that look or this or that, because I'm just staying the same all the time, you know?

When I get dressed in the morning, I catch the bus. I never do homework on the bus. The people who aren't as smart—sorry to be very stuck up about my aptitude—have to, because they didn't do it last night. I sit in the front seat, alone. Stare out the window and just think about whatever, or look at a math textbook and study for a test or just because I have nothing else to do.

When we get off, I pack up quickly and get out first because I'm in the very first seat. I tend to go first, maybe sometimes I don't let people out before me, but that's because I'm in the first seat. And they look at me strangely, like I am doing something wrong… Is there anything I am doing wrong? If so, why won't they tell me outright? It's very strange how people just give me looks, and don't say anything.

It's almost impossible, but… I want to reach people.

_I want to reach you._

What are you thinking Kagamine Rin stop looking in the mirror put on your barrettes get out the door you're going to miss the bus.

* * *

It's science. Again. And I'm sitting next to him with the textbook awkwardly next to us and we are staring at it.

Neither of us are talking and it's really scaring me because the one thing I wanted to accomplish today was to find out his name.

I mean, he's smart. Compared to the rest of the thick-headed people in my grade. And he's quite attractive. And his eyes, god, his _eyes, _those ones like the hot springs I saw while in Yellowstone (all the way in America!) and so blue, and his hair is blonde like mine and the voice, the one time I heard it, it was quite sweet, I don't exactly know how to describe voices at all, and especially not his—

_Stop._

_You're ranting—_

_You're ranting about a boy?_

And we're sitting there awkwardly staring at the textbook when I open it and point at the page we are supposed to read, without talking. Then I run over to the back table, lift the trebuchet so as not to drop it, and place it on the other side of the long table, where _both of us _are sitting.

_Both of us are sitting at the same table, _why is this getting to me all of a sudden?

It's not like there's such a thing as love in me, really, especially love at first sight. And if there were love in me, I would have to get to know him more.

He looks up from the table and then drops his head down again. I tap him on the back and I can barely see from under his bangs that his eyes are opening. He makes a small sound and yawns and gets up, because the teacher is not saying anything and he is just not working.

Neither of us are working. I never stop working. What is _this._

And then I just open that textbook and start taking my notes but I can't get my mind off him for some extremely strange reason—I don't understand what's gotten into Kagamine Rin.

I'm distracted, but for a reason.

Words I never could say.

_Love?_

_

* * *

_

"Rin?"

"Oh, um, er…"

I turn around, raise my head from my book, and I stutter and I don't ever know what to say. But to him, especially.

"What was the homework?"

"We were supposed to write the lab report. Don't you remember?" I give him my best smile but apparently it looks funny because he bursts out laughing.

"Rin, oh my gosh…"

"Yes?"

"Are you acting or something?"

"Huh? Acting? I really don't understand why you say that." But it's true, why does he think I'm acting when I really want to smile at him? My real smile must be very strange. Either that or I'm deformed or something, which I'm pretty sure I'm not.

"You're so socially awkward, silly." He pats me on the back, and I blush. But inside, my heart sinks. It sinks and then suddenly takes a drop and shatters to pieces on the floor.

_That's what everyone says._

"Oh."

_That's what everyone says about me, Luka, Rinta, the general population that knows me._

"Hey, you know I was kidding." He smiles, with that little grin, and I try to smile again but it doesn't work; it just comes out strangely again.

_That's what they all say after they say those words. You're so socially awkward. They try to make the blow softer._

"Oh."

"You know, if you didn't act, and smiled truthfully, I think you'd have the most beautiful smile ever." His mouth curls up into a smile gently. "Just saying."

I have no reply to that. I will never have a reply to something so true but yet so hard to take as that. For it is true, that my smile is false, I am an actor because I have no idea how to smile truthfully, as he said. I'm just an actor trying to make a living off my books.

He says that.

I do _not_ know what to say.

So instead, there's nothing on my face. But inside, I continue to breathe, I continue to practice my smile.

"Wait."

As he gets up, and walks away as the bell rings—

"What's your name?"

* * *

His name is Len.

My name is Rin.

It's like right and left.

Darkness and light.

Summer and winter.

We must be complete opposites—the one with no social skills, and the one with every skill possible.

But, you know, opposite forces attract.

_I'd only hope._

_

* * *

_

Luka comes over the next day.

"What's up with you, Rin?"

"What do you mean, what's up?"

"Oh, God, Rin. You're the most socially awkward person I've ever met in my life." She rustles my hair affectionately.

My heart drops. "_What is happening. _With you and that boy. You actually talk to him."

My eyes widen just a bit and I guess she saw that. I try not to reply.

"Is _Kagamine Rin _in love?"

"No, I could _never _be in love!" I sputter, my face burning. But somewhere in me there's a little voice that's piping up. Especially after what happened today. What he said about my smile. What it could be.

"Are you sure?" She leans over. "Tell me the truth."

"Do you want me to hit you with a calculus book?"

"No." She recoils. I think I did something wrong.

"Well, then, don't ask me about him."

"You liiiiike him."

"NO I DON'T." The worst part of this is that maybe I do, and I have to deny it to my best friend.

"If you do, I won't be mad."

"Fine, I do."

I take a deep breath and fall over and hold my head, and start to tremble. She puts her arm around me and I shrug it off because I do not enjoy physical contact, really. But she should know this by now.

"Oh."

"It's true."

"What is it about him?"

I raise my head from its position on the desk.

"His eyes, smile, how our names and personalities are complete opposites, and how caring he was for me even when I was disappointed in him."

"For what?" _Oh._

"For thinking the same thing about me, as everyone else. I thought he was different—at that time, it turned out he wasn't. But now, he is."

* * *

My new theory of love is that one tends to be drawn to someone opposite of them, or extremely similar to them.

I, for one, have accepted the fact that I am in love, but I'm wondering if it is love or really just a crush.

This is just a theory, however. I can never think of my theory as anything but. It's not factual, it's a hypothesis, just based on facts.

What are these facts? Me. My rules of attraction, to Len.

Len. This boy, that I have found myself pulled to. But really…

It's only a theory.


	3. about his friends

**A/N: **ffffff sorry this is like half as long as the other ones I feel horrible ..  
DECO*27: Coward Montblanc, Love Gazer, Aikotoba, Ai Think So were all played half a million times (well, not really) in the making of this chapter.

**

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**Only a Theory**

_chapter three _; about his friends.

* * *

That girl, who's always with him. Who is she?

I gaze at Len now. I don't just look at him, I gaze at him.

But that girl, the one with the amazing long teal hair, the skirt that flutters and the smile that captures even _my _attention, who is she?

She looks around and she laughs. Her laugh rings out like a tambourine. It's quite beautiful. Her voice, when she speaks to him in the hallway, it flows like honey. And the way he looks at her, they must be friends.

_Right?_

I can't think of anything more.

I wonder if she's smart. I wonder if she's got a brain, or if she's just a girl with nothing there where something is supposed to be, but a pretty face and a beautiful smile and an attractive outside.

If she is smart, _and not socially awkward, _she's everything I'm not.

* * *

I meet her one day in a free period.

I sit down in a table across from her, the distance spaces us out but it's still a little scary to be there next to her. She looks at me, then back at her textbook.

Just like most people would do, she's no different.

"Len. Do you know Len?" I burst out.

Her eyes go open. "Yeah, I know him. Why?"

"I—I'm just asking."

She looks down again.

"Who are you?"

"Hatsune Miku…?" She looks somewhat confused, as if I did something totally strange.

"I—I'm Kagamine Rin!"

"I know that."

"What do you think of Len?"

"He's my friend." Miku looks nonchalant.

"Only?"

"Why? Do you love him or something?"

"No—no!" I sputter.

"Okay, then stop asking me questions, I'm trying to study."

My heart just drops. _My life right here, being awkward and saying the wrong things at the wrong time._

_

* * *

_

Every day from there, I meet a new friend of his. They aren't my friends.

The boy with the blue hair. He thinks I'm awkward.

The girl with the huge ohage. She thinks I'm awkward.

The girl with the brown hair, who seems to be the blue-haired boy's sister. She thinks I'm awkward.

Doesn't everyone think I'm like this?

I'm just so bad at getting points across.

I want to be like Miku, for some reason, but that can't really be possible for me. Len won't ever look at me, really. He's always with Miku, and walking with her, and laughing. They're patting each other on the back, and their eyes are sparkling. I wish my eyes sparkled like that.

He's always looking at Miku. But Miku said they were friends. Why did she think I loved him, only because I asked her those questions?

I'm always so confused.

* * *

Len and I work on the project the next day.

We are a little behind for some reason. Maybe it was because of that day that neither of us were working, and we just looked at each other; and as the teacher drones on, he writes something on a piece of paper in my notes.

My eyes go open. I don't like it when people write things on my papers. But if it's Len that's different, and what he wrote makes my heart skip a beat.

_Can we finish some of this after school? Bring the trebuchet home._

_Your house or mine. ww_

He even laughs on paper. _He's so charismatic…_

I write down:

_OK._

_

* * *

_

We walk home from school together. The sun is going down. It looks quite amazing, and sounds great too, to hear the cicadas ring through my ears and we're just walking together to my house. I can't stop gazing at him from the corner of my eye.

"Hey, Rin."

"Yes?"

"When we get home, we need to finish that lab report, it's due tomorrow as well as the next step of the trebuchet."

"That too."

There's a silence. Then:

"Rin, it seems like you like me, at least the little bit of time you've known me."

_Everything falls on my shoulders. And I have no idea what to say. I am totally speechless in my head but my reaction is to tell him I do not. Because I "do not love." I love him, however—or is it a crush, or is it just a childish attraction? But I'm dying, I can't believe this, how could he figure out so easily? I am that obvious? Did he catch me staring? Did he hear me with Miku? I don't understand any—_

"No, how could that be?" My eyes are wide suddenly. "Who told you that?"

"Oh…" He looks down just a bit.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"Not at all!" He looks up at me, and smiles gently.

This is the moment when I start thinking that I did say something wrong—that maybe I have reached him before and then pushed him away by denying it straight in front of his face.

_What on Earth have I done?_

I'm such a coward. Still a coward. And always a coward.

* * *

Here's a small list of the things that happened at my house.

He barely talked.

We worked.

Our eyes caught one time, and then focused back on the trebuchet.

We finished the catapult.

We finished the lab report.

My hand touched his.

I blushed so hard I thought I was going to die.

Nevertheless. I'm lying, I could never die because of blushing.

What's the matter Kagamine Rin do something about this you are learning your "phrases" and it is getting to you you're going to become like them someday.


	4. about my theories

**A/N: **DECO*27 songs used: Coward Montblanc, Nisokuhokou, Theory of Loving Each Other (of COURSE), Ai Think So, Love Gazer, Shinkai Summit.  
DECO*27 Y R U LIEK DIS. (lol.)  
ALSO the other couple used in this fic is only a plot device, I do NOT ship them at ALL.

**

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**Only a Theory**

_chapter four ; _about my theories.

* * *

For two to love each other, they must have equal amounts of love. The first must love the second as the second loves the first. Therefore:

**Me : You :: You : Me**

Apparently things don't work that way most of the time. Only when you find one that loves you in that proportion, will you know that it is true. Only when you find that, will it be true love.

I wouldn't know, because Len doesn't love me.

Also, I can think that if one loves another in that analogy, they will not need another love interest. If Len and I were to become a couple, which I would never think possible, but for example—he would not ever want to love Miku.

I am becoming sure that it is the other way around. That he loves Miku, and does not ever want to love me.

* * *

I hear more babble than usual in the hallways. It's somewhat strange. And people are staying out straight until the bell rings, walking to class together. Everyone's next to each other and walking in groups of three and four, and I spot Luka walking with Kaito.

I decide to leave them alone.

I open my planner and look at the figurative stacks of homework I have written down. All AP classes have gotten to me. It's kind of strange how I don't think anything of my homework, how I don't complain about it like other kids do. At least, I'd say to other people, it is. To me, it's just a part of my life. I've been doing extra homework since fifth grade, when I was in double accelerated math and never wanted anything else. I did every extra credit project I could get my hands on. I had some kind of attraction to working.

Somewhere along the way, I wondered where all my friends had gone.

But it became a harsh reality in eighth grade when homework weighed down on everyone else and I continued to work hard in Challenge class and kept up my grades in double accelerated. I was that kind of person. Always working. But I had lost friends. I just began to wonder what happened.

High school just worked. I was fine, it became more challenging, a better environment. I was no longer bored in classes. My AP classes were so much more enjoyable.

Now, I go through my life story as I take the stairs, fold up my planner and look to the side. Len is there. His blonde hair can be spotted from anywhere.

He's with Miku. From in between the cracks in the crowd of people, I can see that they're holding hands.

_That's part of my theory._

Suddenly everything cracks and I begin to fall apart. Tears come to my eyes and spill over and I turn and run the other way, as the second bell rings.

I'm late for class, but it doesn't matter, I'm going to the counselor, my theory no longer applies to me, it's Len and Miku.

* * *

I sit down in the counselor's waiting room, tears drenching my hands that cover my face. It's been years since I've cried, I think. I haven't felt such a burning and terrible feeling in such a long time, that it almost hurts to shed tears.

This, I never thought would happen. Kagamine Rin, crying over a boy. I never could have guessed this year could come to this. Would it ever affect what I am? What I would become, what I could become?

But I don't care right now. I'm still shedding tears and I'm still trying to breathe straight.

_He doesn't deserve me._

It's so true, in my mind. I'm thinking that he doesn't deserve me, he doesn't deserve a perfectionist, worker-bee, socially awkward and bookish Rin. He deserves a beautiful, charismatic girl like Miku.

But in my heart something else is going on.

He doesn't deserve her, he deserves _me, _because I know that somewhere inside me I can love him better than Miku can.

So which is right, my mind or my heart?

* * *

I'm starting a notebook.

_The theory of loving each other, day one.  
When it begins, you're always wondering if it will end, because it's so wonderful in the beginning  
__When it ends, you're wondering, where was the beginning_?  
The theory of loving each other, day two.  
One tends to be drawn to someone opposite of them, or extremely similar to them.  
The theory of loving each other, day three.

I hadn't written anything down. I write.

_People get closer to loving each other from just a friendship, by spending time with each other.  
It's extremely hard to confess that one loves another. And one may deliberately lie to the one they love, in order not to be embarrassed if the feelings are not returned (?)  
The theory of loving each other, day four.  
For two to love each other, they must have equal amounts of love. The first must love the second as the second loves the first. Therefore:_

_**Me : You :: You : Me.**_

_Things don't work that way most of the time. Only when you find one that loves you in that proportion, will you know that it is true. Only when you find that, will it be love.  
If one loves another in that analogy, they will not need another love interest._

I wonder what day five will look like, based on the rejection.

Len walks by, without Miku by his side this time. He notices me writing and stops and sits next to me.

"Hey, Rin."

I hurry to close the notebook.

"I won't bother you, but what's that notebook you got there?" He smiles, with that bright and sweet and charismatic smile. That captured my heart and probably Miku's as well.

"Umm, uhh… my writing notebook."

"I didn't know you wrote! What kind of stuff?"

I really don't know how to answer that, because I don't really know what I write, what this would be called.

"Theories. Of life. And my problems. I would think."

"How do theories of problems work, even?"

"It's kind of hard to explain. Have you ever heard of an analogy?"

"Oh, like, this is to this as that is to that?"

"Pretty much." I tap the notebook. "That's one of my theories. I might show them to you later. Once they're all done."

"Oh, I can't wait!" His eyes sparkle. I decide to ask him the question that's been on my mind.

"Are you going out with Miku?"

"Sort of." He looks down a bit. I'm wondering why he always looks down when he talks about Miku, around me.

"Is that so…"

"Well, it's because of someone I like, that I couldn't get. And she asked me out, so it was my other choice, and she's always been sweet and stuff."

_Who else would he like? Miki? Teto? Meiko? Gumi? Not Luka… and it couldn't be me. _

_Out of all people, it couldn't be me._

_

* * *

_

I have never before believed in 11:11.

But lately, I've found myself making wishes for him, on that time. Isn't that so foolish? Instead of something like a future, or good grades, I'm wishing for a boy.

But still.

And after that, I write in my notebook, a new theory.

I've already written day four, so day five will be after this time. I'm not exactly sure how it's going to happen, but something tells me, he deserves me.

Because as much as Miku is amazing, and perfect for him, I've been here the whole time—strange, a bookworm, and different, but_ here._

_

* * *

_

**A/N: xxKerii-tan, **aka Rinrin, aka Kerii, you are AMAZING. I never include ANs at the end, but that analogy I came up with, it was because of you.

Thank you.


End file.
